No-End Game vs. No End-Game
Your Choice: Being Played or In-Play
2-Minute Tip Sheet
“Don’t give me that @*#&! Just get me the results I wanted.”
That’s what the world demands of us. That’s how people judge us. How we gauge our own worthiness. On everything. Always. Right? In our bottom-line-obsessed culture, we get that so much that we have come to the habit of accepting it as “That’s just life.”
Not so. Although unjustified, it is a common cause of much of our stress every day. So, let’s debunk it.
Health-and-wellness is life, by definition. So, it was no surprise that in my clinic program of building Healing Habits for a Happy, Healthy, Hasslefree Lifestyle for Life, the 2000-some enrollees and I found many of our solutions applicable to everyday life perfectly.
So, permit me to use that 25-year, road-tested, real-world experience to illustrate at least an important aspect of this curiously engaging game we play, called life. If weight and exercise issues don’t apply to you, just play along as a thought experiment.
An early FAQ from the lifestyle coaching program was: “How do we define success? Pounds, step counts, blood tests? And, who keeps score?”
My answer: “Your ultimate success will be measured in the beginning and the middle. Not at the end. And only by you.”
Life is more vital than any kind of digital readout. Let me share some of the important lessons we learned.
Before joining the program, almost everybody had lost tons of weight over the years. Only to gain it all back, and then some. On one diet after another. (Sometimes two diets at once, being too hungry in their previous commercial programs.)
Why had they failed so many times, even in the best-designed commercial weight loss programs? In large part because their life was not just another diet evaluated by the weight scale.
By playing the wrong game for the wrong reasons and values,
Many not only grind, fail, or quit,
But also suffer much undue blame and shame in the game.
And the no-end game plays again, and again, to no end.
I, too, used to play it wrong in much the same ways they did—not in the weight-loss game but in the weighty game of life. Thankfully, there’s a better way for us all.
Everything you do, from making a sandwich to raising a child, is a three-part act. It starts with your intention, then the process involves your actions, and ends with the outcome.
Logically, you should judge yourself most heavily by your objective where you have TOTAL command. And, to a fair degree, by your efforts—even though there are often many outside factors beyond your sight or grasp. The result—not so much, because it’s where you have the LEAST control.
Why wouldn’t you apply this justice, at least just to yourself? Health and wellness is your own private personal game. Why would you play it any other way but by your own rules? Why abide by other people’s “ask backward” game rules?
So, stop judging your success at the wrong end—the end. As you’ll soon see, this Healing Habit lets you collect your rewards right up front and along the whole way.
“If at first you don't succeed
— change your definition of success.”Richard Stockton
Battle of the Bulge
Your weight is merely a reflection of your intention and efforts. The number on the scale should be the least of your rewards, as you’ll see below.
In the weight game, you win if you lose, and lose if you gain. It is such a funny game, rigged in so many ways. Just play by your own rules and pay your own price.
That doesn’t mean going too easy on yourself. You still need objective validation of your actions. What you don’t measure doesn’t count. Most attention should be paid to the trend, though, not just one number, for instance.
Every unwanted calorie you cut out, every unwise food item you swab out for a better choice, every ounce of water you dilute your sugary drink with, your body gets the health benefit right there, as well as thereafter. And it adds up by subtracting down.
On the flip side, for every action you take against your health, your well-being pays the price immediately and in the long run. Your body already knows, but you must also keep track of it to adjust your actions, as needed.
Your body does not pass judgment.
It just serves your life sentence.Metacardio©
Ooh, @*#&! Now they tell me.
Language. Language.
If you’re already healthy and fit, let’s use another example. Suppose you’re learning a new foreign language. You want to serve your clientele better. You’ve put in your time and effort every day for months and completed the course. At your final oral exam, you suddenly come down with laryngitis and can’t talk.
You recover after a few days, but there’s no makeup exam. So, you don’t get your certificate. In fact, those “ask backward” people give you a failing grade. Are you a failure?
You now speak the new language so fluently that it has become your second nature. As a result, you keep advancing in your career and personal satisfaction. Knowing another language also opens up a new and interesting dimension in your life. And nobody has ever asked to see your final exam score even once.
2-Minute Tip Sheet
No End Game of Wellness in Life
On the 3 parts of everything you do: Intention, Process, Outcome.
1. What You Want
Your intention is under your total command and thus is your full responsibility. Even though others may not know what it is, here’s where you ought to be judged mostly.
It is your fallback solace, even if things turn out badly. However, if your intention is good and in line with what Nature also intends, the Universe mobilizes everything to enable you. Numerous highly enlightened and successful people attest to this experience.
“The minute you settle for less than you deserve,
you get even less than you settled for.”
Maureen Dowd
If your intention is to be happy, healthy, and fit in life, that cannot possibly be against Nature. So already you are all good from the start. Just don’t blow it with “suicide bombings”.
2. What You Do
The process is where you can do the most, although uncontrollable outside factors often interfere, like accidents and, yes, other people. The greater your effort and dedication, the greater your enjoyment and benefit. Even from the surprises and detours, sometimes particularly those.
“The secret to life is some good side effects.”
Snoopy (Charles Schultz)
Be accountable in every step. What you don’t measure, you can’t prove, approve, or improve.
Process is where the action is—your action. It’s where you live almost all the time. So, make it count for yourself, whether the world judges you by it or not.
Of 10,000 steps, you must begin the first.
The last step is only your motivation.
All the good was already in the 9,999 steps you took.Metacardio©
3. What You Get
The outcome is like the weather. Here, you have the least control, even though this is where you assume the world grades you. But you don’t have to every time.
You’ll get all stressed out if you’re hung up on, and dragged down by, some narrowly defined outcome in your mind. You may still end up getting that, but only that. Instead, if you “just do it”, and keep an open mind on how it might turn out, you can often be rewarded beyond expectations.
Why set your heart on only one thin strand?
Take the whole bouquet!
Rather than always submitting to the world’s presumed court order to “show me the money”, evaluate yourself more sensibly—in the reverse order from convention. With the noblest objective and your utmost effort, your Intention-Process-Outcome (I.P.O.) may well come out unicorn at the end of the rainbow.
Gaming the Game
We do live in this world. We don’t run it. Sometimes we have no choice but to play their game. But not every time, so don’t make it into a bad habit for yourself. Their game is difficult, at times impossible, because it’s their rules and demands.
This new game is not easy, either. But it’s easier because the hardest parts are all under your control. Make this game your healing habit, and their game the exceptions. It can even make you a better player of their game when called for.
Playing the game in this way, you’re not likely to get stressed throughout, so badly you may even have to quit. At the minimum, you will have enjoyed it every step of the way.
After all, the outcome is only one point—the end-point, whereas the process is where you live most of your life, after your intention sets the music for the journey.
The no-end game of life’s highest reward
Is in the beginning and middle, not the end.
Unless you quit, there can be no end-game.Metacardio©
Bonus Videos - Registered Dietitian on
Mediterranean Meals for the Masses
Each 2-3 minutes
(1) What diet? Mediterranean feast!
(3) Spices of Life and the Bread Basket
(4) Eating Fat, not Getting Fat. Meet Proteins, Meats.
(6) Wine and Snacks – Are You Nuts? Yes!
This sixth stand-alone post is of a series, Healing Habits, based on successful solutions of 2000-some patients and coworkers in a lifestyle clinical program. 2024
The images are curated from iStock with subscription, some modified.