Don’t Forget, Forgive
How you can free yourself
for better health and wellness
This piece is the ninth of a number of stand-alone DESTINY postings on how to rise above and beyond the COVID-19 pandemic by shaping up to be healthy, fit, tough and wise. It is based on the author’s multi-decade insights as a cardiologist and the founder in a non-profit lifestyle coaching program completed by thousands of patients and coworkers. All the advice comes from participants’ real-life experiences, state-of-the-art science and diverse time-honored wisdom.
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Tak Poon, MD
October 14. 2020. 7 min read.
I grew up in an old-fashioned family of “Crazy Poor Asians” in the (then) third world. At 13, I had the audacity to say to Honorable Father that I wanted to be a doctor.
“You forget it. We have no money.” was his verdict.
Well prepared, I made an empty promise of a full scholarship based on good grades.
Putting down his horse-racing forms, he paused and asked, “Enough money to send some home? We’re counting on it.”
But I had dreamed of studying in the U.S. to be a specialist. Clearly then, it was unrealistic, even to this naïve dreamer. So, I conceded, “No.”
“Then, let others more qualified be doctors.” Thus, the Emperor dismissed my petition.
Hurt, anger, rage, even hate soon ruled my unspoken feelings toward that, that sorry F...
But then I showed him. I found my own way, got my dream career, and even sent money home as required.
I succeeded in building an idyllic life for myself in America. Yet, toxic feelings were wrecking my health and heart. Still, I could not reason myself out of that grudge. I remained a bitter jerk.
One day, at age 40, with zero justification and disregarding all feelings, I unreasonably forgave the old man without any condition and with all my heart.
. . .
Let me be very clear. To forgive doesn’t mean to forget the wrong—that’s impossible. Or to get payback—that’s improbable. Or to allow it to be repeated—that’s imbecilic.
For-giving is not For-getting.
Par-doning is not Con-doning.
Ad-mitting it’s over is not
Per-mitting it to be done over.
Sorry, but never again.
-- Metacardio©
. . .
Father and I hadn’t “spoken” in years. So, I flew him over to visit my American wonderland for the summer. Upholding our old ways, we still didn’t speak much.
Yet, even without words, my change of heart somehow just magically changed everything. Only with forgiveness in my heart was I able to clear the smoke and flame in my head.
With that clarity, it finally dawned on me that Father wasn’t being mean and selfish back then; he was being straight and realistic. He wasn’t trying to drag me down with his own hopeless failure and pain; he was gambling to pump me up to find better ways of my own.
Perhaps he knew me even better than I knew myself then.
Since that visit, Father and I had a wonderful relationship until his final day years later. No longer caught in the middle, Mother was happier in her life than ever before. Clearing the toxic emotions, I have since kept my good health without fail.
By forgiveness, all of us were rewarded with more joyful and healthy lives at no cost.
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By forgiving, I have freed the one hostage—me. It also placed all controls in the hand of one master—me. Besides, it also taught me to forgive one key person—me.
After the first real arrow that injured my body is long gone, unforgiveness is the second arrow I shot myself in the head that hurts me more and more and endlessly.
Forgiving is more beneficial to me than anybody else. The people you’re forgiving may not “reform”. They may not even know about it. Their participation is not necessary.
As you’ll see below, many people have told me this applies not just to me. It applies to YOU, too.
. . .
To my surprise, in my wellness coaching program, I learned that being unforgiving was a major root cause for the unhappiness and unhealthiness of the 2000 some participants.
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Most of them had blamed themselves harshly for failing so many prior attempts. I asked them if 2/3 of the population who are overweight should all blame themselves then?
A number of them had suffered certain past tragedies that left them with unforgiving toxic feelings for themselves or people close to them. Some actually felt unworthy of a happy and healthy life. So, they just “let themselves go.”
Make the choice:
Volunteer to be the Victim
or
Vouch to be the Victor.
Metacardio©
The healing power of forgiveness gave these participants much clarity and insight. I’ll share some of them in the TAKEAWAY section at the end.
Now, let’s get to how forgiveness specifically benefits our health and wellness.
FOCUS
Even if the world is unforgiving, you must be forgiving of yourself before you can be healthy and well. Just don’t keep repeating the same mistakes.
It isn’t “unreasonable” to forgive yourself for occasional unhealthy transgressions. The healing power of forgiveness goes beyond reason.
You can’t reason with everything to be forgiving. COVID-19 is unforgiving, as most serious diseases are. Unlike you.
NUTRITION
Don’t forget, pardoning is not condoning. Why beg for forgiveness to free yourself if you don’t have to? Simply take actions that keep you free to begin with…at the fridge, for instance.
Now, let’s get to how forgiveness specifically benefits our health and wellness.
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Seeking forgiveness?
Whatever you are really looking for,
You won’t find it here.
Metacardio©
If you’ve over-indulged, repay by an extra 1/8 reduction in portions and/or abstinence from sugary drinks for several days until you get back to a zero balance. After that, don’t keep “overdrawing”. Some debts can become unforgiving.
ACTIVITY
Don’t forget, admitting it’s over is not the same as permitting it to be done over again.
If you were unable to make your, say, 10,000 steps by the end of the day, remit the shortfall by walking 1,000 extra steps each day until it’s paid off. That way you won’t forget not to fall short again. You’ll be making big strides instead.
HEALTH MATTERS
· The most important person you must forgive is yourself. Your body and wellness are quite forgiving. The mind is more often the stick in the mud.
Get unstuck by correcting and forgiving yourself. And stay clear of the swamp.
· The body can be so forgiving that even in the extreme cases of obesity (such as weighing twice as much as one should), a drastic medical consideration is Bariatric bowel surgery. After recovery, most of the ill health complications of morbid obesity do reverse.
· This kind of surgery is the very last resort. Before that, all candidates must pass months of wellness coaching programs similar to this blog series. And they must continue practicing this lifestyle for life. Forgiving is not forgetting!
Forgiveness is the most painless
and bloodless kind of surgery
to free you for wellness.
Metacardio©
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TAKEAWAY
Insights on Forgiveness Collected from 2000 Wellness Participants:
1. When people put you down, sometimes it’s because they feel even worse about themselves than about you.
2. When people do something bad to you, they may be just doing the best they can for themselves, or what they can think of as best for most, sometimes even with your interest in mind. Calm down and look at it from a higher view.
3. Other people may not be able to see beyond their own horizons, so you must define your own.
4. Play the long game, forgive all the pain in the short run. One who laughs last, lasts.
5. Anger will often feel justified, and help you get through the moment; but if you let it linger, it will destroy you inside.
6. Revenge never heals and always makes it worse. It is destructive, often irreversibly and endlessly. All you really need is for the wrong not to be repeated—by them and you.
7. If you care about someone and see they're more stuck than you are, go over to where they are. It may take the stronger one, you, to start the healing process.
8. If someone has wronged you, don’t let them keep hurting you. Isn’t it crazy to keep hurting yourself with your hurt feelings long after the initial hurt is over?
9. Waiting for the offender to come around is wishful thinking. Forgiving is the only sure way to free yourself to feel better, now. Do it without demanding certain conditions from the offender (usually no use, anyway). In fact, you don’t even need their participation.
10. Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily change other people. It changes you. In clearing your heart of toxic emotions, miracles can then manifest beyond your wildest dreams.
11. On reflection, you may find that, most of the time, the lingering enemy is yourself, long after the initial offender has already gone.
12. If that is the case, wouldn’t it make sense to stop being the victim to the offender and start being the victor over yourself, for your own wellbeing?
Forget it. Who can remember all these words? Forgive me. Perhaps a free preview of this 15-min animated video will help you internalize these ideas a bit better. Enjoy. Crazy Poor Asians
Doc Tak
October 14, 2020
WRITTEN BY
Tak C. Poon, MD, PharmD, ABIHM, FACC
Board-certified American Preventive Cardiologist now developer of a wellness blog and a lifestyle habit-forming app at www.metacardio.org
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